Oscar the Grouch. . .1/7/10

Looooove this face!! Maybe he's trying to mimic Oscar the Grouch? Not sure but one thing Rusty likes to do is think he can "scare" us...he tells you he's gonna sneak up and scare you so he asks that you be ready for it... Adorable ;)
No more Mr. Grumpy...look at that precious smile!!
By the way, these slippers are actually adult sized and um, mine. They were a silly gift from Rusty when we were dating :)

For Safety's Sake. . .1/4/10

If you've been pregnant before, chances are you've probably experienced very lucid, perhaps even violent, dreams. If not, well, maybe it's just me...but chances are I'm not alone on this one. During my first pregnancy with little Rusty I dreamed ALL the time that someone I loved, usually a close family member, was hurt or even dying. When Rusty was finally born I woke up in a cold sweat nearly every night for weeks fearing I'd rolled over onto my newborn son despite the fact that he NEVER ONCE slept in my bed with me?! I never even nursed him while laying down! It was crazy. Now, with this second pregnancy I constantly dream that little Rusty is in danger; unsafe. I dream that he runs off while I'm holding the new baby and I can't catch up to him; I dream that he falls from really high altitudes and I'm always seconds shy of catching him; I dream that I turn away for a second and he's gone - I search and search and he's nowhere to be found. I dream...or should I say I have vivid nightmares. I panic; talk in my sleep about it; yell out warnings; wake Rusty and of course, wake myself. It's awful, stressful and terrifying to say the least.

Recently, as of New Years Eve day, I was placed on bed rest due to dangerously low blood pressure and fainting spells (which I am prone to). It all began the morning of December 31. I was in the shower, talking to Rusty and suddenly felt faint. I mean SEVERELY faint. I sat down. Every time I thought I was well enough to stand and rinse the shampoo out of my hair, the feeling overcame me once more. And the thing is that when you're a lifelong fainter (this ain't my first rodeo), the single advantage you have is that you know what it feels like so you know it's coming! That's how I was able to sit down before falling. Once dry, I thought sitting down and relaxing; drinking a cold drink; or eating some food would help. Nope. None of the usual tricks worked. By early afternoon, I called my OBGYN's office and was able to speak to a nurse before they let out for the holiday. She instructed me to go get my blood pressure taken and if the bottom number (diastolic) was less than 60 that I should call her back. Rusty drove me to CVS where I did just that and unfortunately, after nearly fainting again from the arm squeeze, the diastolic number turned up a horrifyingly low 43!!! I called back and my doctor said: "I'm prescribing iron, lots of sleep and bed rest until further notice. And by the way, you sound awful. Really exhausted. Can you please get some rest. You're carrying a baby"

Needless to say that after the day's events, we had to cancel our New Years Eve plans with friends that evening, which I was very disappointed by. By two o'clock I pulled myself into bed. I laid down...then laid down some more...after that, I laid down some more. It's bed rest. You get the idea, no? By eight o'clock I thought I was going to lose my mind! I could not believe that only six hours had passed! How was I (Mayor of Type A Land) going to stay in my bed "until further notice"???!! My husband forcing me is how. And to be fair, I didn't need that much convincing...I felt awful, impossibly tired and painfully weak and I knew that resting was for the good of our baby girl so I was a willing patient.

So, I mention the bed rest because experiencing this has enlightened me in regards to the awful nightmares I've been having. For one, bad dreams, or nightmares, are clinically proven to occur in pregnant women, but on more than one occasion while I've been on bed rest, I have woken up almost unable to breathe and it has always been worse after one of my scary dreams. Not that this makes me a genius but it did finally dawn on me that the anxiety caused by the dreams worsens my condition. When I have a bad dream I get anxious subconsciously during sleep and then by the time I wake up I am struggling to breathe and the lack of oxygen causes my blood pressure to drop yet again.

When I woke up last night at 5:03 a.m. I finally "got it". My fear, whether it is pregnancy induced or not, is that as I introduce another person into this world for which I am responsible, can I keep them both safe? Can I juggle the safety of a child who is immobile and helpless with the safety of one who is increasingly rambunctious and fearless in his exploits. Yes, I know I'm not the first mother of two. Duh. I know I'm not the first woman to have an active boy. But I don't necessarily care. My priority is clear; my objective is clear...and you know what, for those who say fear not...let me tell you this: Fear is good. It means you have something to lose.

I love my son more than life itself. The things I'd do and endure for his safety and well being are unmentionable. I'm certain I'll feel the same way about my daughter and I just join all the mothers of the world in prayer tonight as I say ask you Lord: "Please keep my children safe. Guard and protect them and help me to know how to do the same." Amen.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!. . .1/1/10

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

WELCOME 2010!!

With the start of a new year, a new decade even, so much newness surrounds us. We may have given up on setting New Year's Resolutions yeeeaaaarrrrrssss ago, but suddenly with the dawn of an entirely new decade, it seems that most of us are prepared to give it a go once again...after all this is a REALLY new slate, right? A new decade is a fresh start like no other, isn't it? Maybe. Maybe not. For me, I feel as though I set new resolutions throughout the year. I set a goal to either try something new, be better at something or even change an aspect of myself, only to feel the disappointment of my own failure within a typically short time. It gets me down, I won't lie. Recently, however, my sweet mother-in-law had to point out/remind me that there are seasons in life and I shouldn't feel like I have failed. Part of my distress was that I was deeply troubled by the fact that since I am REALLY prone to service and volunteerism, I recognized that with the coming of a new baby (right as school for R3 ends no less) I will likely have zero time for anything but being a mom and learning how to be one to two instead of one. I have "to do" lists that have run months instead of days like they used to. And as I shared this frustration with her, she reminded me that it's okay; this is a "season" and it'll pass. Perhaps I will be unable to do all of the service activities that I typically used to do; perhaps I will have to sit out participating or directing the 2010 children's Christmas play this year; perhaps I will never finish some of the things on my to-do list and may even have to accept defeat and let some of them go but I will be able to come back to it all...someday. Once my present priorities are in place and this season of newness has passed, I'll be able to come back to those things. When baby girl comes in April, my priority will be she and Rusty and learning how to adjust to mothering a larger household. I will have to figure out how to go back to nursing every three hours while managing to not ignore my then 3 year old; I'll have to learn to put aside and find appropriate time for house chores, errands, and personal things; adjust expectations; adjust to even less sleep than I get now; find time for my husband and be able to give him the attention he needs and deserves; and the list goes on and on and on...I'll have to adjust. Plain and simple.

2010 will indeed be new and in more ways than just adding to our family. It'll be a celebration! This year marks ten years of friendship between Rusty and I; between one of my best friends, Lori, and I too. This year marks three years that I have been blogging and sharing my life and family with you all. This year celebrates friends, family, growth and opportunities. I hope that this year brings newness, fulfillment, prosperity and hope to all our lives. May God bless you all!! Happy New Year!!

Last Christmas with One. . .12/29/09

Despite the fact that all I have to do to be reminded that another baby is on the way is to look down, sometimes I find it hard to believe that these days (months actually) are the last that little Rusty and I will have alone together. Come April, baby girl will be here and everything will be different. No more will I be able to focus 100% of my attention, love and affection on this one beautiful little boy. No longer will I be able to dote on only him or plan our days around only his schedule and preferences. We'll both have to adjust in a major way. My prayer is that I will have the wisdom when the time comes to know how to be a good mommy to both of them and meet both of their needs as well as Rusty's, my own and those of the people we help and serve around us. It's a lot and I know it. In fact, at times the thought weighs so heavily that I wonder, "how am I going to do this? how am I not going to be stretched beyond capacity?" Then I remember that 1) God won't give me more than I can handle (even if feels like I'm sinking) and 2) millions upon millions of women before me have done it and survived. My own mother had three kids with no help whatsoever and managed to, on nearly every day of her life, accomplish more than I do at any given time. Granted, she is super woman but still?!

Facing this reality however isn't about just "handling" it. It's also about balance and knowing how to show love to one baby bear without allowing the other to feel shadowed. In this respect, everyone tells me that first born children, and specifically boys, don't like to have the spotlight stolen by a new sibling and as such, often fail to adjust. That may be true in many cases but I really do believe that Rusty will truly love having a baby sister. Why do I think this? Well, for one, he is soooo unbelievably tender and sweet with other children, especially small babies. He is a big time hugger and a great helper when little kids are around so although I am sure there will be a season of adjustment (maybe even a big one), as there always is with new things, I really do think he'll be okay. The only thing that really concerns me about this is that most hospitals in the medical center (where we'll deliver) have instituted a new rule that children younger than twelve years of age cannot be admitted to the hospital even to visit a newborn sibling, which means that R3 and I will be apart for two to four days then I will magically walk through the door with a NEW BABY in arms?! Yowsa...this scenario seems sad to me.

Now, the real, REAL reason I bring up the fact that this past Christmas was the last one with just one (baby that is), is because I have an attachment and closeness to my son that is indescribable and all-consuming. I eat, sleep and breathe him and even though he puts me through the ringer more often than not, I wouldn't know how to exist in a world where he didn't. And while we didn't wait forever to get pregnant again, we did wait two years and one of the primary reasons for that was that I could not fathom giving a second of my attention away to another child. Little Rusty is my baby. Even if he's two and a half...even if he's forty, he'll always be momma's sweet baby boy. I'll miss our one on one time and I hope that having a second child still allows me to have that with not only him, but with our daughter as well...wow, our daughter. Sounds funny to hear but I think she'll make a great addition to our little family. And Rusty, I hope that you always know how much your mommy loves you...you're the best thing that's ever happened to me and you were my first child. You'll always have a special place in my heart. Te amo bebe.

Rusty and Chloe's Christmas. . .12/29/09

Here's Rusty trying to touch, or should I say mess, with tio Mark's Christmas tree.

Posing for pictures with two 2 year olds was not as easy as this photo makes it look...trust me.

Of all the pictures we took with the two kids, just a handful were acceptable. Taking about 40 photos to get one or two good ones is normal right??

Aren't they sweet? :)

Rusty and Chloe are only 2 1/2 months apart. Her daddy, my cousin, is about a year and a half older than me.

It looks like they played well together but in this was taken before Mark brought out a toy both wanted...it was alllll downhill from there!!

Here are the kids and tia April on Christmas day playing with Chloe's new toy, which Rusty LOVED!! It entertained him ALL day long!!

When is Enough, Enough??. . .12/28/09

After 2 1/2 years of life, R3 finally learns that wrapping paper is 1) okay to tear and 2) tears easily.
Here's Daddy revealing interesting details of a present.
And tio Jona further explaining that it is for him and okay to touch the toy ;)

Trucks are a big hit with him at this age.

But nothing beats Cars!!

Here's Daddy once again explaining that the toy is for R3 and this is how we open it.

Most young children see presents wrapped beneath a sparkling Christmas tree and immediately start devising ways to get into them. A corner peeled "innocently" can suddenly become a fully unwrapped box in mere seconds. I've both seen it happen and also heard some fairly hilarious stories of it happening from friends with children older than my own. For example, I recently witnessed a child act like a crack addict where Christmas gifts were concerned. Aside from all else, it was quite interesting, if not entertaining, to see just how much this child received and how unsatisfied the plethora of gifts left him. We watched him open gift after gift after gift only to be met with a request for, "more presents?" each time. Before I step up onto my soapbox let me first say that this example is by no means me bragging on Rusty and it is also not to say that this other child has a "problem" and that Rusty does not. No, no. Hear me when I say, there is a trade off on "children's issues" - I've endured a lot of things that R3 DOES that my friends and family's kids do not and vice versa. The matter here is simply that at this point in his life Rusty does not yet fully understand the concept of a present so he does not yet crave receiving them. At Christmas and at his birthday we typically have had to open the wrapped presents for him, otherwise he sits and stares at them. Once we showed him how to open a gift this year, he got the hang of it and, because he's a boy, enjoyed the tearing paper part more than the gift inside, but our little friend however, is a bit older and has a more advanced understanding of gifts than Rusty does.

Anyway, all this talk of presents and a need for more and more is to set the stage for the main issue I AM struggling with at heart and that is one of excess and drawing a line between necessity and desire. Let me begin by saying that this subject matter is a difficult one to navigate through because on the one hand as parents we certainly love to give our kids whatever they want and if you are like me, you relish in seeing your child smile when they receive something they love and are entertained by. I have even discovered since Rusty's birth that I personally enjoy buying things for him a million times more than for myself, and in most cases, a shopping excursion for me turns into purchases for him instead. On the contrary, regardless of whether our kids "get" the present thing or not, I consistently find that I am unable to move past the pain and discomfort I feel when I see all the excess most of us have. For example, while I love for Rusty to have nice things when possible, it pains me that while pretty much most of us have the privilege of enjoying opening presents there are sooooo many children in the world, in our city, who will never in their whole life open a single beautifully wrapped thing. There are children who would never pass up sitting at a table and receiving as much food as their panged tummies could hold. There are children whose parents don't think of them the way I do mine; they don't love on them and express love to them like I do mine. They just don't. And it hurts. It hurts so bad that I can't sleep, or focus or eat.

Some of you don't know me well enough to understand how deeply this affects me; you don't know me well enough to know that these issues are ones I wrestle with daily. . .and especially during this time of year. Without bearing my very soul on a blog entry, I'll just offer a tidbit of background: I grew up in a home where we children were not spoiled. It was not until we were somewhat older that we began to live comfortably and even then we were not a family who owned designer clothes, lived excessively, etc. I was however blessed to grow up in a home where the riches of love were in abundance and by my parents example, I learned to give. My mother and father gave and gave and gave even when giving was a sacrifice to them. I watched my parents live that way all my life and my greatest admiration of them is that they still do! I now choose to live that way not because I like to be charitable every so often or because it feels good (though it does). No, Rusty and I live out their legacy because while we may not be millionaires, we have more than we need; we do it because someone's life is going to be a little bit better because we made time to help; because it's the right thing to do; and because if I'm truly speaking in the spirit of CHRISTmas, it is in fact what Jesus would do.

My single most wish for my son and baby girl on the way is this (and I've said it many time before): that they would be compassionate; that they would give not only of their pocketbooks but of themselves. I pray that they would know the true joy of giving and do it selflessly from the bottom of their hearts. I pray they would learn to be givers because they witnessed their mommy and daddy give. I'm eternally grateful to my parents for instilling that desire in me. . .and sometimes I honestly wish it weren't so deeply ingrained because of how helpless to help I often feel but at the same time, I'd rather be there than anywhere else. Rusty, baby girl, I hope you carry on that legacy because nothing would make me prouder. Merry Christmas my darlings :)

Merry Christmas!!!. . .12/25/09

JOY TO THE WORLD, THE LORD IS COME!

LET EARTH RECEIVE HER KING!!!

MERRIEST, MERRIEST CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!!

Here is our official family Christmas photo :)

Fourth Annual Christmas Eve Breakfast. . .12/24/09

Every year since we have been married, we have hosted a Christmas Eve breakfast for our family in town. Here we are enjoying some yummy morning munchies :)

Here's YeYe, mommy, daddy, Gabby, Chris, Jonathan (a.ka.: Pappa) and Lindsey (a.k.a.: CeeCee). . .and of course, Abu in the picture above :)

Cousins, Parties and LATE Nights!!. . .12/24/09

Me and April...last got round we were preggers together...flying solo this time.
Dre and Ron Rico...soon to be newlyweds :)
Andrea, Gabby, Me, April and Lindsey...just one cousin missing :( Where are you Mariela?

Jona and Lindzo...they are so cute it makes us sick ;) J/K

Brothers...

The Clan

Kelleys, Dales and Guedry/Vainstein

Jona and Ron Rico

Markie Mark and Me

Pictures with Santa. . .12/20/09

Part of me wonders if it is even necessary to explain this photograph but because, as I have said before, one of the main purposes of this blog is to keep a "memory log" of my sweet Rusty Bear's life, I will go ahead and indulge that part of me that wants to explain what you see here. For starters, the simple/short version can be explained by telling you this: I have a two and a half year old and he's been sat on a strange man wearing a funny outfit and a beard's lap. 'Nuff said. But, I will tell you the funny story of how much he WANTED to see Santa and then had a meltdown when he actually saw him anyway.

So, Rusty does not really know who or what "Santa" is but about a month ago when neighbor's started putting up Christmas decorations, my mother-in-law pointed at an inflatable Santa on someone's roof and that in and of itself was cool/interesting enough for Rusty to develop a liking of this holiday character. From that point on whenever he saw a Santa anywhere he gleefully pointed him out and got as excited as if he actually knew what and/or who Santa was. In fact, in the days before we went to get his Christmas photo taken, I even started asking him if he wanted to go see Santa? "Yes, Yes Mommy!!", was always his reply. . .until we actually met Santa. My girlfriend Lori and I took our boys and her new baby girl for the annual photo at the Galleria as we have done every year since they were born. Santa's Workshop opens at 10 a.m. but in an attempt to avoid any long lines, we arrived at 9:20. So, here we are forty minutes early and Santa is twenty minutes late. For that entire hour that we waited in the Galleria open Rusty had his pregnant mommy hoofing it all up and down the corridors. . .some of you without kids may not know this yet but it is a fact that they can run faster than we can, pregnant or not. Just try and see how hard it is to catch a toddler when you're chasing after them. . .you SERIOUSLY have to put some effort into it!! Anyway, Santa finally graces us with his fat jolly presence and this guy has a meltdown. I'll be very honest that even with his alleged eagerness to meet the toy bearer I KNEW this was EXACTLY how the scenario would play out. Ahem, this is NOT my first rodeo, know what I mean?! So, here is the picture. And you know, some of you might find this strange but I actually LOVE it!! It's great because sometimes the cutest photos of one's children are the ones where their little personalities show and in this case, I'll be able to look back and say, "Yep, that was my Rusty bear at 2 1/2. . . ". No deception. No false expectations. It is what it is and I loooooove every precious tear :)

Two. . .When Does it End??. . .12/17/09

Being sneaky and trying to hide from mommy in plain view...he thinks that if HE closes HIS eyes, I can't see him....adorable!!

Enjoying bath time, which we now call "Swimming, Swimming" :)
"Recovering" from pneumonia....incredible.

You know, spending the day with a rambunctious energetic two and a half year old is never dull. Even when they are ill, the day is never without its own special tale. Yup, never, ever, ever dull. Take today for example. Cold, rainy day; nothing we HAD to do outside of our home, so we stayed in. The day included, but was not limited to, having Hot Wheels and Tonka trucks rolled up, down and around mommy's big 'ole pregnant belly. And why wouldn't that be normal?? Trucks like off-roading, right? Apparently so ;) Then later as I finally decided to succumb to wrapping Christmas gifts for all of Rusty's little cousins, he took advantage of my being distracted and moved some lightweight furniture around...seriously. I looked up to find tabletop decor in new and interesting places, a hallway bench about nine feet from it's usual home and even a few Christmas tree ornaments strewn about. The strange part about that is that NEVER once has he EVER touched anything in our house. Obviously this surprised me. I think it was a way of getting my attention because for those of you who have ever visited our home, you know that it does not look like the kind of place a little boy Rusty's age would live in...very monochromatic and light colored upholstery and very precisely laid out decor. I don't spend the day though telling him no, because what actually happened is that since R3 was born and raised in this atmosphere he has learned to respect the boundaries and let's just call it "Type A-ness" of his OCD momma ;) Anyway, "we" cleaned it all up and then momma prepared lunch - which consisted of leftover pizza we ordered from the night before. Momma ate her slice handheld like a normal pizza eater whereas my two and a half year old cut HIS pizza slice with safety scissors. Much more fun that way, no?? After lunch, the day proceeded with several rounds of mommy chasing Rusty (the "I'm gonna get you!" game is very popular, albeit completely exhausting, around the Kelley home). I will say that it's not always fun and games around here. As of late, with all the constant sickness Rusty has experienced, the result has been a spoiled and bratty tantrum thrower...no one ever wants to spank or reprimand a sick pitiful child. If one fun activity doesn't take it out of me, the non-fun tantrum moments do. Fortunately I am somewhat looking forward to next week when I can give him the toys we've gotten him for Christmas and I believe this will entertain him for a few days...okay, maybe just a few hours...but nonetheless, enough to allow me and my growing little girl I'm housing a chance to catch our breath :) Ahhh....ooking forward to school starting back up again ;)

43 Weeks to Go. . .12/14/09

When you have one child and become pregnant again you constantly hear people with multiple children tell you the same thing: "Oh, the second pregnancy just flies by! You're so busy taking care of the first, you hardly notice that you are pregnant." Um....what??? Come again?? I can neither confirm nor deny those women's use of recreational drugs but I can tell you that NO PART of this pregnancy has gone by quickly. In fact, it's crawling. Even with the holidays at hand; despite that I seem to not have a whole five minutes to accomplish any one task right now, every time I check the calendar or the blog ticker, I'm astonished at the snail speed I see. Let me put it in perspective: I found out we were pregnant on August 11th. . .ages ago. I'm 22 weeks now and when people ask how long we have left till baby girl makes her long awaited debut, I always comically answer the same: 43 weeks left to go!!

I will say that people were correct in that I AM busy with little Rusty. EXTREMELY busy actually. However, being busy doesn't make time magically fly by in this particular circumstance. Perhaps it will seem to go by faster once my present commitments have passed - because yes, in case I haven't mentioned it before, I'm slightly over committed this holiday season (and "slightly" is the understatement of the year). Maybe once I actually am able to start preparing her room, or moving little Rusty into his new room or doing all the many things I've planned to do before her arrival, maybe then it'll seem to go by quickly? On the other hand though, isn't being pregnant a little easier than actually having two kids??? Only time will tell. What I can say with assurance is that I'm sooooo grateful to have this blessing on the way. To say I'm excited that we are having a sweet baby girl is seriously lacking in description, but I'd be lying if I said it has been easy. I finally feel better physically than I have up to this point (thanks everyone for asking). That helps. And once the new year rolls in and my R3 starts school and I can start scratching things off of my long to-do list, I think I'll feel better about lots of things. Until then, my advice to overzealous, nosy-pants women everywhere is this: if you've had a baby and come upon a pregnant woman (with her first, second or fifteenth child on board) SHUT YOUR MOUTH!! No pregnancy is the same; no baby is the same; no parenting experience etc. is EVER the same so use your advice for someone who asks for it and let the rest of us live in peace. Hasta manana senoritas ;)

"Snow Man" Rusty. . .12/09/09

For whatever reason, when I placed this hooded sweatshirt on Rusty recently he said, "Mommy, I'm snowman Rusty". I laughed quite a bit, mostly because it was an adorable comment made even more adorable by his barely understandable baby talk, but in truth, I don't think he actually knows what a snow man, especially given that the only snow he's ever seen is either on TV or from the window in the pediatrician's office the day he was rushed to the hospital. Either way, he must somehow relate his understanding of what a "snowman" is to this hoody because every time I place anything with a hood on him now he calls himself that...seriously, waaaay too cute!!! Here's my little "snowman" Rusty :)

In order to keep him from grabbing the camera I was using to photograph him, I had to find his little camera...ad speaking of adorable, he tells me to say "cheese" when he shoots pics of me and says "click" each time he does so ;)

Besitos para mami :)

Cooking with Ye Ye. . .12/9/09

In case I haven't taken a moment to explain Rusty's nickname for my mom, let me take this opportunity to do so. There is a cartoon (which drives me up the wall I might add) on Nick Jr. called Ni Hao, Kai Lan. The premise of that annoying little program, among other things, is to teach preschoolers the occasional word in Chinese, and one of the words she uses/teaches is "Ye Ye" which means grandfather in the language. So, a while back when R3 first started speaking and making name associations with people he knew he busted out with Ye Ye for my mom. She didn't seem to really mind it because at the time she thought it was something her sweet grandson had randomly come up with...until one day she was casually watching Nick Jr. with him and called me and asked, "Did he get that name from that cartoon? Is he calling me an old Chinese man?" Mind you that from the first time he called her that, I knew exactly where it came from but didn't think it necessary to mention....the important thing is that he has a personal name for her at all...though I'll also point out that if she'd chosen a name before he could speak like we told her too, Ye Ye wouldn't be around. Oh well?! ;) Anyway, here's my precious little man helping his Ye Ye cook. He loooooves being up on that chair and getting to do things. I'll post pictures of him cooking/baking with me soon!!

On the Mend. . .12/7/09

Having not eaten for about 4 days, R3 is a little on the skinny side...not that he ever really lived up to his nickname "Gordo" but here he is playing INSIDE his toy box downstairs...

He's clearly feeling much better even though he's still awfully fussy and gets tired easily.
I can't imagine this was comfortable but he enjoyed plating with his cash register while other toys poked at him inside the box. Silly baby ;)